the education of me and cousin freddie
The Alberton Papers, Vol. V, #V
By Dick Darne 10-29-07
The education of me and cousin Freddie
It has been said by wiser ones than me that wisdom is linked to knowing when to shut up. The recent cider making brings back old memories of cider making, well over fifty years ago, back in good ole Virginny, not at this time of year, but early in the summer when all the fruit of the trees was "little green apples". We dusted off the old cider press, secured a supply of empty whiskey bottles, ground up the first batch and pressed it, funneling our prized elixir into the empty bottles and hiding it. Under the chicken coop, under the porch, in the barn, burying a few, all the while sniggering at our cleverness. We were on the second batch when we were brought back to reality by the real voice of reality, our Aunt Eunice.
"Just what do you boys think you’re doing?" she asked holding a switch from the nearby hedge in a manner that exuded authority.
"Nothing" we both said at the same time.
"Are you making cider from green apples?" she said, brandishing the switch menacingly, "cause if you drink it you’ll die from the worst bellyache you ever had and don’t come crawling to me for help, I tried to tell you and you just wouldn’t listen. Cough it up. How much have you made? Where’s it hidden?
We could read each other’s minds. We’d give up part of the stash. We did.
"Where’s the rest?"
"That’s all of it."
Whack! These were much different than the whacks from our dads. Those you could, for the most part, duck with a lot of screaming and wailing, convincing everyone you were being murdered. These were deadly accurate, right on the calf of the leg, each whack sending the message "the truth will be told!" between Aunt Eunice’s deadly aim and her built in lie detector, we soon broke. We gave it all up.
I’d like to tell that after that we were good boys from then on, but even though "Cool Hand Luke" had not been invented yet, we knew many years before the last scene, we were not beaten yet. We were already plotting our next adventure.
"Say, Freddie, lets check out that construction site in town, I hear those workers know some real cool words."
"Yeah, and next time let’s remember not to say ‘nothing’"
Stay tuned for the next episode of our education, and don’t try this at home. dd
By Dick Darne 10-29-07
The education of me and cousin Freddie
It has been said by wiser ones than me that wisdom is linked to knowing when to shut up. The recent cider making brings back old memories of cider making, well over fifty years ago, back in good ole Virginny, not at this time of year, but early in the summer when all the fruit of the trees was "little green apples". We dusted off the old cider press, secured a supply of empty whiskey bottles, ground up the first batch and pressed it, funneling our prized elixir into the empty bottles and hiding it. Under the chicken coop, under the porch, in the barn, burying a few, all the while sniggering at our cleverness. We were on the second batch when we were brought back to reality by the real voice of reality, our Aunt Eunice.
"Just what do you boys think you’re doing?" she asked holding a switch from the nearby hedge in a manner that exuded authority.
"Nothing" we both said at the same time.
"Are you making cider from green apples?" she said, brandishing the switch menacingly, "cause if you drink it you’ll die from the worst bellyache you ever had and don’t come crawling to me for help, I tried to tell you and you just wouldn’t listen. Cough it up. How much have you made? Where’s it hidden?
We could read each other’s minds. We’d give up part of the stash. We did.
"Where’s the rest?"
"That’s all of it."
Whack! These were much different than the whacks from our dads. Those you could, for the most part, duck with a lot of screaming and wailing, convincing everyone you were being murdered. These were deadly accurate, right on the calf of the leg, each whack sending the message "the truth will be told!" between Aunt Eunice’s deadly aim and her built in lie detector, we soon broke. We gave it all up.
I’d like to tell that after that we were good boys from then on, but even though "Cool Hand Luke" had not been invented yet, we knew many years before the last scene, we were not beaten yet. We were already plotting our next adventure.
"Say, Freddie, lets check out that construction site in town, I hear those workers know some real cool words."
"Yeah, and next time let’s remember not to say ‘nothing’"
Stay tuned for the next episode of our education, and don’t try this at home. dd
posted by aldermandarne | 10:09 PM
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