The Alberton Papers Vol 2, #2
by Dick Darne 6-5-06
Lets turn our attention now to a very serious problem, that affects many Americans. If unchecked, it can cause great aggravation, loss of self control and eventually undermining the very moral fiber of our nation. I believe this problem started when we stopped making our own socks and allowed the likes of Wall-Mart to procure our metatarsal undergarments from low wage sources. These products are prone to growing LINT-BALLS. That , combined with strategically placed seams constantly rubbing on the cuticle of one’s big toes, dwarfing the ancient, but manageable problem of one’s socks migrating to the tips of one’s shoes, can turn even Casper Milquetoast into The Hulk. Rant, rave, holler at family members, kick the dog, all to no avail. The only relief being to change socks until comfortable. Having suffered this problem for years and being somewhat of an authority on this matter, I will share my accumulated knowledge with you. 1) if thine sock offend thee, cast it out. It wont get better on it’s own, cut it into small strips and consign it to the rag bin, don’t give it away unless it’s to someone you don’t like. 2) try wearing them inside out. You’ll feel dorky for a while, but soon you will feel smug in the knowledge that there are other poor unfortunate souls out there who are not facing lint-balls head on . 3) Buy ten dollar boot socks at a western wear store. Check them out carefully, ten dollar lint balls and ten dollar aggravating seams can be fatal. Note: sending your wife out for socks more to your liking the second time can also be fatal. 4 ) Try a primal scream. It won’t help the problem but it’ll make you feel better and let the family and neighbors know you mean business. 6) share your experiences with others. We are not alone. I have to go now, there are a couple guys at the door wearing white coats...........