tools
The Alberton Papers, Vol III, #5
By Dick Darne 11-27-06
"Man is a tool using Animal. Nowhere do you find him without tools; without tools he is nothing, with tools he is all." Thomas Carlyle, Scottish Philosopher
Here at the Gravely Institute of The Rockies, located in beautiful downtown Alberton, we have just concluded an in-depth study of tools. We found that not only are tools necessary to man’s survival in today’s world, but they are cool. Anybody can fix things with a pair of pliers and a bent screwdriver, but it takes a real craftsman to use tools. Besides fixing stuff and building things, tools are a status symbol. He who dies with the most tools wins, or at least starts a big fight among his surviving family upon his death. One can never have too many tools. Proof: "there’s more than one way to skin a cat" means different tools for each method. There is much more proof, space dictates I must move on, just trust me. Some techniques for accumulating tools are: yard sales, bargain bins, auctions and for tools of your dreams, subtle hints like leaving the catalog open and marked. Catalogs should be collected, just buy something from one and a lifetime flow of catalogs will commence. Great bathroom reading material. Another method is a very minor technique closely related to blackmail, "Honey, I can’t do all these chores, I don’t have the right tools". Shop together at Ace hardware, she gets ideas for projects and you get an opening for a new tool. Always be prepared. When you graduate to the "Big Leagues"then it’s time for Montana Tool gift certificates. Soon you’ll need a shop, or a bigger one than you have now. At the Institute, we have concluded that the right size would be about 50 X 100, insulated, wired and with floor heat, but most of us will settle for less. I worked for years for an outfit, where hanging on the wall was a sign saying: " A determined man can do more with a rusty wrench than a lazy loafer with all the tools in a machine shop".
Now where’s the fun in that?
Keep your tools cool. Visit the Institute, or at least contribute. dd
By Dick Darne 11-27-06
"Man is a tool using Animal. Nowhere do you find him without tools; without tools he is nothing, with tools he is all." Thomas Carlyle, Scottish Philosopher
Here at the Gravely Institute of The Rockies, located in beautiful downtown Alberton, we have just concluded an in-depth study of tools. We found that not only are tools necessary to man’s survival in today’s world, but they are cool. Anybody can fix things with a pair of pliers and a bent screwdriver, but it takes a real craftsman to use tools. Besides fixing stuff and building things, tools are a status symbol. He who dies with the most tools wins, or at least starts a big fight among his surviving family upon his death. One can never have too many tools. Proof: "there’s more than one way to skin a cat" means different tools for each method. There is much more proof, space dictates I must move on, just trust me. Some techniques for accumulating tools are: yard sales, bargain bins, auctions and for tools of your dreams, subtle hints like leaving the catalog open and marked. Catalogs should be collected, just buy something from one and a lifetime flow of catalogs will commence. Great bathroom reading material. Another method is a very minor technique closely related to blackmail, "Honey, I can’t do all these chores, I don’t have the right tools". Shop together at Ace hardware, she gets ideas for projects and you get an opening for a new tool. Always be prepared. When you graduate to the "Big Leagues"then it’s time for Montana Tool gift certificates. Soon you’ll need a shop, or a bigger one than you have now. At the Institute, we have concluded that the right size would be about 50 X 100, insulated, wired and with floor heat, but most of us will settle for less. I worked for years for an outfit, where hanging on the wall was a sign saying: " A determined man can do more with a rusty wrench than a lazy loafer with all the tools in a machine shop".
Now where’s the fun in that?
Keep your tools cool. Visit the Institute, or at least contribute. dd
posted by aldermandarne | 8:27 PM
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